Dieting makes you paranoid.

Its true. When you're not watching what you eat, then you don't even think twice about what you select off the menu. You select what you want, and if it happens to be healthy, then HEY pat yourself on the back. You lucked up. However, when you are watching what you eat, then you try your best to select the healthiest option and then obsess over whether or not your choice was healthy enough. It turns you into a crazy person, even when you don't want to be one.

Today I went to Schlotzshy's Deli. I figured that a nice Turkey Sandwich would be good. It came with Pastrami on it, but I asked them to hold that as well as the onions and tomatoes. This left me with sliced turkey breast w/mayo, cheese, lettuce and olives. I selected the Baked Lays as my chips (only 1.5 grams of fat and under 150 calories/bag) and water as my beverage. I thought I was doing pretty good. However, as I began to eat it, I started wondering why I hadn't asked them to hold the cheese and substitute Fat Free Ranch for the mayo. On top of the the bread seemed a little buttery to me. Suddenly my reasonable lunch felt laden with fat. I'm opting to skip my afternoon snack feeling that I've already had quite enough until dinner.

This can not be normal folks. It works the same way with exercising. If you aren't in the habit of working out, and you make it to the gym 2 days out of the week, then you celebrate your efforts. However, if you work out 5 days out of the week, then you kick yourself for missing the 6th day. I see how young girls fall into eating disorders so easily. Its like, the harder that you work at this, the more you doubt yourself or question the effectiveness of your efforts. For instance, one of my skinny co-workers (the one who feels guilty about eating large salads) has been on a liquid diet for the last 2 weeks, drinking only slim fast for lunch. FOR WHAT!?!?! The girl is beautiful, maybe as size 2 or 4 at the most. I can understand eating well and exercising regularly for health reasons, which is what she was doing when we 1st started working together, but dieting to the point that you are basically starving yourself is maddness. Absolute maddness!

I'm trying hard to fight it and just celebrate how well I have done so far. However, it truly is difficult. Now that I've lost weight, I feel the need to try even harder b/c I'm afraid of either gaining it back or be less successful with losing this coming weigh in. Its like, I'm afraid I'll let my game slip, so I constantly feel the need to try harder and harder. Ugh!

Anywho, now that I've finished my little rant. I ran on the lake front on Saturday (moderate walk for 5 mins, speed walk for 1 min, run for 1 min. Alternating speed walking and running for 15 mins, moderate walk for 5 mins - really 10-15 mins b/c I had to make it back to the car) and did strength training exercises on Sunday. Today I'm planning to hit the eliptical machine for 30 mins and go grocery shopping for healthy dinners for the week. I'm looking forward to it, and I'll let you know what fun foods I make.