Today I am conflicted.

On the one hand I am my usual optimistic self. I smile when I think about how blessed I am right now...can we say Y'amen to having a job in this economy? I laugh when I think about some of the great memories and experiences that I've had. (I hear that memories and experiences are what really matter at the end of it all.) Most important, I hope when I think about the possibilities for my future. Who knows what lies ahead? I don't but it could be anything wonderful...better than you every hoped for, and that's exciting!

I focus on being a good person, living up to my beliefs/principles, and being able to love and be proud of who I am. Even when I fall short of this, I am happy that tomorrow is another day and a new opportunity to achieve my goals.

So here's the conflict...I am tired :-( Not just 'I need sleep' tired, though that is also true, but rather the 'stuck in a rut...not being fulfilled' tired. Yesterday I got up at 5 to work out (hated it!), spent 12 hours at work (hated it!), returned home/packed lunch/got ready for bed/asleep by 9:30...soooo that I could wake up at 5 this morning and begin the cycle again. At the end of yesterday, I felt that I had done nothing with my day to make me happy. I know this is partially due to busy season (normally I am home around 7 and can read or chat on the phone in the evening), however it was still disheartening to give every minute of your day to your 'obligations' rather than your pleasures.

I'm not sure what the solution is right now. I've made some adjustments (working out on Sat, so that I only have to get up early 3 days out of the week/ making a concerted effort to only work 10 hours at least 2 days a week), so I am waiting for those to pay off. Until then I guess I have to grit my teeth and bare it through the rest of the season. Busy season ends at Thanksgiving, so it'll be nice to have my schedule free up during a time of celebration. Plus, there's always shopping to make me happy (and bwoy does it make me happy!)...and planning vacation. Tea, what's good for your b-day? You might want to try something smaller (4 ppl max) to minimize planning efforts. On that note...I'm off to look up group trips to Paris!